Fuck Yeah Paradise Fears

Thank yall so so much for every message I’ve gotten on tumblr and twitter and everything. I love yall so so much. Basically what happened was: 

Last week, my depression was really overwhelming and I was seriously considering suicide. So, I went and talked to my school counselor about it because I didn’t know what else to do. She made me promise to tell my parents that night. The next day (Tuesday) I went to the doctor after school, who sent me to the ER where I was told that I had to be an in-patient unit across the street. I was supposed to get out Friday, but Thursday night and Friday morning I had some kind of mental breakdown and I was legitimately terrified to leave that day. So, I told them that at the hospital, and I ended up staying a few more days. I got home today, and I’m feeling so much stronger and more ready to face all of life’s challenges. And hearing about how many of my turtles were wondering about me and worrying about me, it really made a HUGE difference in my recovery. 

Oh, and I got word that some people felt like the guys only care about a couple of people in this fanbase. False. Let me give you a little example. So, when I went into the hospital last week, my friend Doodle posted about me on tumblr asking for yall’s help to help me feel better. Well, Sam saw it, asked around for numbers until he finally got Doodle’s number (and my dad’s number), and asked how he could help just because he was worried about me. Well, guess what. Sam called me while I was at the hospital. My first night there. He was too late to call for the first phone time by a few minutes, but he stayed on the phone for over 5 minutes fighting with the nurses for an extension so he could talk to me (I didn’t know that until today). Then, he called at the next phone time. He encouraged me so much. And you know how much he cared about what he was telling me? So much he started tearing up while he was talking. I could hear his voice wavering. It made me strong enough to get better. He gave me the courage to actually care about my own wellbeing. 

Yall may be thinking “Oh, well she runs FYPF. Of course he was worried about Caroline.” But you know? I’m no more special that any of yall are. I’m one of those people that the guys don’t have conversations with me on twitter. I’m no different than any other fan. I just happen to run a popular blog. Sometimes I do feel like they talk to some fans more than others, but then, I talk to those fans and I learn why: They’re fucking awesome.

If after reading my story of this week you still think that the guys don’t care about you, then you’re just ignorant and you’re trying to make yourself unhappy. You’re holding yourself down by wallowing in self-pity. And let me tell you something. That’s not gonna make you be happy. Happiness takes work. Especially when you’re trying to go from rock bottom to the peak of Mt. Everest. It’s not gonna happen overnight, and it’s not gonna happen without a lot of elbow grease. I’m here for anyone who needs someone to talk to. Sometimes I might have to wait a while to answer because I can’t save the world. I’m not strong enough and I don’t know enough. But I’ll always do my best to tell you what I think you should do. All you have to do is ask. 

“I swear that everything will be alright.”

That was the last thing I was told before I went into the hospital, and it made me cry for hours. Honestly, it still makes me cry just thinking about it. I told Sam about it, and I cried when I told him. But, it’s a completely true statement. Everything will be alright. I promise. I love yall. I want each and every one of you to be happy. I do believe that you will find happiness someday. I know it. 

Turtle out!

(Source: fuckyeahparadisefears)